Category Archives: Thankful

Robbie – R.I.P.

It’s with great joy that I announce, Robbie is just a fatty lipoma and nothing to be worried about! ¬†ūüôā

While I am absolutely relieved…

I have to say, it was an interesting ride!

While I had hoped for a boot in the right direction health wise (for the post about that, click here), I did get a different type of boot.

Prior to noticing Robbie, I had scheduled an out of town overnight for the family to get together to wish my mom a happy birthday. ¬†I knew I didn’t want to tell my family about Robbie, because they worry more than I do and it was my mom’s birthday, so I didn’t want to overshadow it. ¬†In the back of my mind, however, were all kinds of surreal thoughts about how if something did turn out to be wrong, we would have this fun¬†family get together to cherish before it all went down.

The other thing that was really wild, was during both the drive there and back, it seemed that every time I looked up to read a billboard sign, it was something about God or Jesus and it made me feel like I was being spiritually supported while I waited for the news.

Finally near the end of the drive home, I got the call and after hanging up said a prayer of thanks that it was nothing to worry about.

Intellectually, I know I don’t really need a huge event like a cancer scare to make changes for the better with my health, but it certainly does seem easier with something that big to back it up. ¬†Maybe for now, ever time I remember Robbie, I can get up and walk around for 5 minutes. ¬†At least that way the¬†“interesting ride”¬†won’t have been for nothing.




Three Day Quote Challenge

Thank you Pieces for nominating me for the Three Day Quote Challenge. I accept the challenge and will post quotes that best represent me on my present journey.

1. Thank the person who nominated you
2. Post one quote for three consecutive days
3. Nominate three bloggers each day

Second quote:

Life should be measured not by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.          РBob Moorehead

By the time I reached adulthood, I had already experienced such hurt and suffering that I had become jaded, cold and fearless.  I believed this world had nothing left that could bring me joy and as a result I put my life at risk on a daily basis.

Fast forward 20+ years, I am grateful to say I couldn’t have been more wrong.  While I am not engaged in a relationship, which of course would be better as we are social beings, I can say that I find joy nearly every day, despite my moods.  From a rogue lady bug on my car windshield, to a squirrel running past me to climb a tree or a sunflower worshipping the sun.  I spent a half an hour one day following and momma duck with her little ducklings just to make sure they got out of a parking lot and back into the field.  I often stop on the way to my car in the morning to listen to the birds calling one another or watch a butterfly flitting from one flower to another.  And don’t even get me started on kittens or babies or this post will never end!

As with challenges and awards, there is no obligation to accept. With that being said, my nominees are:





Thanks Rose for the reminder!

Today I am grateful. I have been very fortunate in my lifetime. I have experienced many wonderful things. The love of family, friends and companions. The love of a child.
The love of many kitties.

I am grateful for the ability to see the world through my senses.

To feel warmth, like that of the sun shining on me as I lie on the beach. Warmth of a fireplace roaring in the winter time. Warmth from a campfire crackling in the open air.

To feel coolness, like that of a lake on a hot day. The crisp fall night air, with the windows open and the blankets pulled up tight. The frosty nip at your nose as you play in the snow.

To hear birds singing, ocean water roaring, crickets chirping, lakes trickling, kitties purring, the sweet sound of my son when he was just a toddler saying “mommy.” The church bells in the distance and so many wonderful songs and beautiful music shared by talented people all over the world.

To see the many amazing scenes played out in nature every single day. The sky’s vast canvass of virtually every color. From the deepest blues on a clear day to the gray and black storm clouds. The streaks of pink, orange and purple of sunrises and sunsets. The beautiful oceans of blue and teal, the white rush of water at the oceans edge, the clear water that covers the tiny stream revealing the polished rocks and mossy edges of dirt. The rock formations and mountains of majesty. The trees of every color and size, from ancient redwoods, to the tiniest sprouting acorn. Fields of greens and flowers for as far as the eye can absorb. Sunflowers, roses, iris, carnations, johnny jump ups, tulips, clovers and daisy’s. The amazing wingspan of a hawk flying overhead looking for his next meal.

To taste some of the most decedent desserts and the simplest pleasures like ice cold water on a muggy summer day. The combinations of salty and sweet or sweet and spicy. The crispness of an apple and the silliness of jello. The bitterness of a lemon muted with sugar and the tanginess of vinegar on the evil brussel sprout.

To smell a cake baking in the oven, or a pot roast simmering for dinner. To smell bacon wafting outside of a breakfast restaurant. The cleanness of freshly dried towels. The powdery innocence of a baby. The cocoa butter of tanning oil and breathtaking eucalyptus. A citrusy orange freshly peeled. A perfect cup of coffee. Root-beer.

To know there is still so much left out there to feel, hear, see, taste and smell. Yes, today I am grateful.

Blogger Recognition Award

bloggers recognition


I was nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award by one of the bloggers I always look forward to seeing posts from, Rose – Seeking You

Thank you Rose!

These are the rules:

  1. Thank the person that nominated you and include a link to their blog.
  2. Nominate at least 15 bloggers of your choice. When considering a fellow blogger for the Versatile Blogger Award, keep in mind the quality of their writing, the uniqueness of their subject matter and the level of love displayed on the virtual page.
  3. Link your nominees and let them know about their nomination.
  4. Share seven facts about yourself.

Here are my fellow nominees:

Thank you to each of you for bringing your blog to life. ¬†I feel like I know you, which leaves little room for being lonely in life. ūüôā









notes from a narcissist

the burned one







7 Facts:

  1. I was a meth addict &¬†dealer by age 17, but I’ve been (illegal) drug free for more than 25 years. ¬†Now I’m a functional alcoholic instead. ¬†ūüôā
  2. I am an ambivert
  3. I have mental health issues
  4. I had a fun and lucrative career in the IT field way back in the day, when I was one of the few girls in that field, but gave it up when my son showed signs of mental health issues at the tender age of 3 and a 1/2
  5. I’m divorced
  6. I have an AMAZING…now 15 year old…son!!!
  7. I’m working on a project to help people with differences achieve independence.

Tent City

Beckoned by the need to do kindness for others, I organized a group to visit “tent city.” Tent city is exactly as it sounds, a sea of tents pitched underneath a long stretch of highway.

The floor is dirt, with the only protections from the weather being the overhead highways, thundering vehemently with cars. The air is cold and wet; the smell of trashcan fires all around you. The taste of soot in your mouth is quickly overruled by your bodies desire to stay warm.

For the last two weeks we (my friends, family and I) happily gathered for their expected needs; a sense of accomplishment felt with each item. It was like shopping for a dear friends birthday, wanting to get exactly that one thing they needed or wanted the most, while balancing a tiny budget.

I will not lie and tell you it was worry free. I knew it could take me back to the days of my home-insecurity some 30 years earlier. A time when I was ill with addiction. I also knew it could bring feelings of despair for the people living there and possibly hopelessness when I returned home to the comfort & security of my warm apartment without all of these lives in tote.

Still, I could not turn my back any longer on the ominous weather predictions for the coming days.

Sorting, bagging and careful prep, have been the whole of my last two days. A little nervous and a bit apprehensive, but determined to follow through.

As we arrived at our destination, we were met with chilling winds, and yet, I did not feel the cold. We unloaded the cars and my little red wagon. We put the water bottles and hot boxes of coffee in the wagon and everyone grabbed several bags of supplies until we were full, and the cars were empty.

While I never had the desire to retreat at any point during the trip, I don’t think I ever got out of 4th gear. My ability to recall each interaction is gone and it’s hard to imagine we were there for close to three hours. It felt like it was, maybe, 20 minutes.

We only saw a portion of tent city. It was so vast, we were not prepared, nor did we have enough supplies to cover it today. Still we made it through at least 3 full sections.

I cannot speak for all that came, when I say there is not one word capable of describing it, but the interactions I had with everyone that came today, lead me to believe I was not alone in my awe.

We were met with humble, gracious, kind, people. We were met with humility and appreciation. I can not begin to share the disarming personalities we encountered.

It was hard to see how these people did not have any expectations. If they took one thing, they were content to move on, and were nearly shocked when we insisted that they take more. We were there much longer than I expected to empty our bags and wagon. There were many tents that I could not tell if they were occupied, in that moment or not, but sometimes no one responded to our offers of coffee or water so we moved on.

One man was only interested in water, because he was on his way to work. Another was the one left in charge of protecting the belongings of everyone in their group today. Another was in search of water for his dogs. Each had their own personality and story. Each would mark my heart.

At last count, I heard there were at least 300 tents. I have no doubt of that after today.

And while I would be thrilled to have many of the people I met today as a neighbor, I know that the best I can do for them is to get my “Achieving Independence Project” running, sooner rather than later.

When I finally got home tonight, my arms were weak and shaking…not the “I’m tired after a hard nights work” but the kind of shaking that comes after a complete emotional meltdown or a serious illness.

I would not trade today’s experience for anything, despite the fact that I’m sick to my stomach, wondering how they will come up with enough materials to burn in order to keep them warm through the night. Instead I’m propelled forward in my desire to make their campfire nights, some of the last they ever unwillingly do.

We plan to go back in a few weeks if our budget cooperates.  Surely there will be more to share.


Climbing out of the pit

Happily my low has passed.  I hate the ones where I feel like my body is too tired to move and I find myself staring a lot, but my brain is not nearly quiet enough to sleep.  It just amplifies the inability to get away from it.

I am thankful today.¬† I’m thankful my son is doing well. Thankful for my counselor, who I just saw as she is always spot on. Thankful my low didn’t punish me for too long¬†and for my friends & family who¬†have enthusiastically jumped on my bandwagon for tent city.¬†¬† I’m so happy to say, between everyone’s donations, we now have so much stuff!

We’ve collected: bottled water, protein bars, baby wipes to clean up with, blankets, hand knitted scarves, hand knitted hats, fuzzy socks, a couple of the big bags of fruit (apples & oranges) and a couple of variety packs of chips.   I have way more than I expected.

The weather turns cold tomorrow, so I’m hoping we beat the cold front by a few hours.

I thankful that I have something to turn my attention towards today, so that I am not able to hang with Depression.