He is still there

I know that it’s only day 3 of antibiotics and I shouldn’t be shocked that there hasn’t been any change in the size of Robbie, but there has been a lot of change going on inside me…

I feel kind of happy.  I’m sure everyone is going…wow this chicks got a serious case of Munchhausen Syndrome, like I want attention for being sick, but that’s far from what is going on in my head.

I have always liked my immediate world to be consistent. I drive the same route, shop the same stores, buy the same things. But every few years I need to shake up my life to prevent self destructive behaviors that are spawned out of boredom. In the past that was like, moving, changing jobs, or sometimes both.

I have been feeling the self destructive urge a lot lately, but with the kiddo needing to finish high school, right where he is, I know that no big changes are going to happen with jobs or relocation in the next 3 years.

So I’ve been trying to focus on me, like I thought about losing weight, cutting back on the wine, exercise and several other self help things like the Gluten free trial that didn’t even make it 21 days. I’m so ingrained in my life and keeping it consistent though, that I can’t seem to make any real progress. I also feel like these are the things (weight, wine, lack of exercise) that are holding me back from finding love again.

So what does any of this have to do with Robbie?

I kind of feel like this could be the shake up I need to get myself on a healthier path. If I’m forced to change to overcome the lump, I will be allowed some flexility to do that. Work, home, everything will have to change, so it will be easier to break those old habits.

I’m sure I sound a bit out there, but if you are reading my blog, I hope that you have come to expect this! 🙂

4 thoughts on “He is still there

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