Category Archives: friendship

The good, the sad, the advice

Ladies Night!

Last night was the big night. The paint and wine party we went to was a huge success.

I was a tiny bit nervous that not everyone would have fun. Only a couple of them knew each other, and I worried that someone would feel left out.

When we got there, the place was pretty full, so unfortunately, we couldn’t all sit together, which made me even more fretful, but I steered people together that I thought would get along. So three sat together, one sat across from me and one next to me. The one across from me was definitely cut off and didn’t know the people around her, but she had already gotten seated before we got there so I couldn’t really help it.

About half way through we got a break and all finally got to sit together around one table and chat. I told everyone that I wanted to do something like this once a month. That if it’s a group, then if one couldn’t make it, at least the rest could still get together.  Most seemed on board. 🙂art

Once we got started it was so much fun. Being an ambivert, I can turn on the charm when I’m out for a limited period of time. I was laughing and carrying on so much people around us joined our conversation and we all got to know each other. It was a blast!

I’m not an artist (clearly), I’m very left brained, but I didn’t do this for the art, I did it for the companionship and it was exactly what I’d hoped for!

I wasn’t the only one that enjoyed it either. I got texted by nearly everyone afterwards telling me how much fun they had and how they appreciated me putting it together. The next day, one of them even invited all of us over for Memorial!

I think we are finally getting this girls night thing down!

Our wedding song

I was completely caught off guard tonight when I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show and she had the singer Sia on to sing a song that was in the movie “Finding Dory”, coming out soon. When she started singing I thought she sounded so beautiful. I started to feel like I knew the song, but when she got to the chorus, I realized it was my wedding song…”Unforgettable”  As she sang, I went down a painful memory road. I remember him dancing with me and mouthing the words, his eyes had a twinkle. He seemed so sincere.

Now he is on a vacation with his new wife, celebrating their anniversary, which just happens to be on my birthday. It hurt.

I had intentionally allowed myself to forget the song and even remember just recently thinking how great it was that I couldn’t recall it off the top of my head…the only time I think I ever really appreciated my declining memory….and now, just like that it all came flooding back.

I was proud of myself though, because while I shed a tear or two, when it was over, I put it behind me and continued to enjoy the rest of the show. I’m happy these reminders are fewer and farther between.

I’m still going to watch Finding Dory, but at least now I’ll be prepared for the song and hopefully can relate it to something new.

And then there’s that…

Feeling a little sorry for myself, I decided to go on eharmony, a dating website where I’ve had a membership for a while now and see if there was any new matches that said hi.  No luck there, but I did find an article that I thought was great advice.  Not just for relationships, but in all aspects of life, so I thought I would share it with you.

Here is a teaser:

Harris calls this process “fusion” and offers a simple and quite effective strategy for “defusing” thoughts:

  1. Think of a thought that has been troubling you, such as “I’ll never find the right person.” Spend ten seconds really immersed in that thought—believe it as much as you can.
  2. Now add the phrase, “I’m having the thought that…” Take ten seconds and repeat that to yourself: “I’m having the thought that I’ll never find the right person.”
  3. Add a final phrase: “I notice that I’m having the thought that I’ll never find the right person.” Repeat to yourself for ten seconds.

When I ask my clients how they experienced this exercise, they say that with each step they gained distance from their thoughts. They realized they were … just thoughts. They weren’t immutable truths; they weren’t prison sentences. They were just momentary blips that passed through their minds.

Hope you enjoy!

How not to lose heart

 

 

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Friendship, Fellowship, Comradeship

It’s something we all need and something many of us here have trouble maintaining.

I remember as a teen, it was particularly difficult to maintain anything close to good friendships because of my extreme mood swings. I usually had no idea what caused them, although in hindsight I would say extreme sleep deprivation from insomnia played an enormous role, but I never saw them coming.  I made friends easily and was the life of the party one day and completely withdrawn and uninterested in communicating the next.

As friendships tried to develop I began to experience the bitter pill I would learn to swallow frequently when a friend and I would excitedly make grand plans and then I would back out at the last minute disappointing them and derailing the friendship. It was never intentionally to disappoint or push them away, but my unpredictability made it nearly impossible to have a reciprocal relationship. I got to the point where I withdrew my feelings completely and would just listen and be empathetic to others to the point where one actually snapped at me and said “I always share with you and you never share with me…it’s like you think you are better than me.” Nothing could have been farther from the truth in my teen years, it was more about not being able to share the whole me. The fun part, everyone loved, but the dark part was more than they could handle.

Fast forward 30 years and I do have a few very close friends. The kind you can wake up in the middle of the night crying over a sad show you just finished watching. Not that I would, but I could!

What I never seemed to get the hang of was regular fellowship. I was not raised going to church and rarely got involved in anything that had an expectation of my unpredictable time.

Now that I’m a tiny bit more predictable, I am really striving to find that regular comradeship to look forward too. Of course, I know I’m not able to make a commitment unless it’s completely understood up front that I will, from time to time, back out last minute.  I would only do that if I’m not in a good place and that happens less and less since starting Seroquel last year.

My friend, who I talked about last week and I hung out last night and make eggplant bolognese & pasta and watched a movie. It was a lot of fun, but she too is looking to find a larger group of people to hang out with, so that if one person (like me) cancels, everyone else can continue on, keeping the pressure off should “moody me” strike. I’ve tried in the past to start get together’s, but when I backed out they fell apart, so I stopped.

I think I have turned a corner though. I think I am ready to try again. So I’m going to send a message to all the ladies in my life and try to set up a paint & wine party. There are a couple of really fun places that host them, so I don’t even have to worry about cleaning my house! LOL

Wish me luck…and a hope that “moody me” stays on the picket line!