Category Archives: content

A seat at the grown-up’s table

I have always believed that I could make a difference in this world before I left it. Even prior to my life going off the rails as a young adult, I had dreams of making a difference.

Unfortunately the derailment left me behind the curve in both maturity and education, which seriously shattered my confidence.

Since my divorce and more importantly since starting this blog, I feel like I’ve finally caught up in life and I’ve been anxiously searching for my direction. My way to make that impact I honestly believe I’m here on earth to make.

I tried many things to date including my Achieving Independence dream, but keep hitting road block after road block. Each time I’d adjust my trajectory, but up until a few days ago, it was still just a dream.

Then it happened….table

I got an email from a upstart company that read my blog and invited me to be a content contributor…or author on their site.

First, let me say that I’m a skeptic at heart, so I assumed it was the latest scam unfolding and kept waiting for the part where they asked for money. I checked out their site and it seemed legit, so I responded to the email asking for more info. We had a back and forth dialogue which resulted in me signing up.

The best part…they still haven’t asked me for money!!! 🙂

Then the reality starting hitting me in waves…

I’m going to have a voice.  

I’m going to be writing for someone else.

There are no limits being placed on me, just an open book to start writing!

It’s not a paid job, but there will be opportunities to make some money in the future. They seem to have grand plans, so money or not, if they become as big as they hope, it will be a platform for me to share my passion to make the world a better place.

So, worst case scenario, I start posting and nothing happens, at least I had fun posting. Best case scenario, it takes off and I have an incredible platform to share my voice.

It’s finally time for me to take my place at the grown-up’s table…

and baby, I’m ready!

Has anyone seen where I left my contentment?

Things are going very well right now.  My son is all the way through his meds change and is finally doing well.  I’ve tackled a few money issues and think I’m right side up financially.  Work is going well; in fact I just got a raise with my performance review.  My family is good, mostly.  My kitties are good.  I’m good.

So for the life of me, I don’t understand why I don’t feel content.

Granted it’s not a feeling I’ve ever spent much time with, so maybe I just don’t understand how it’s supposed to feel, but I’m pretty sure what I’m feeling, is not it.

I feel restless, antsy, and impatient, like each day is moving past me and while I’m getting stuff done, I do not feel a sense of accomplishment.  I don’t feel bad, or down…it’s more like I’m craving some sort of problem to solve, some sense of being needed or necessary.  My thoughts are fractured.  Like in order to solve a simple math problem, I have to wright it down to stay focused.

I tried coloring, playing little games on my phone, practicing my Spanish, cleaning, but nothing brings me any closer to a place of contentment or peace.

I feel a bit guilty to admit that I’m not on top the world with all that is going right.

Anybody else ever get this way?