All things considered, I live an incredibly Blessed life!
I have been so fortunate in many aspects. From a wonderful job that is flexible enough to let me rush out the door whenever I need to for my son, while still allowing me to compete for promotions. I live in a nice little town-home, where I feel safe and the property is well maintained. It’s not the nicest or the biggest, but that’s never mattered to me. I chose it because it’s about halfway between work and school, so there is never a long commute.
I drive a used but dependable car, that isn’t fancy…in fact you have to manually lock it and manually roll up/down the windows (I didn’t even think those were made anymore…lol), but it gets me and my son safely from point a to point b and is almost paid off.
While last year was a financial cluster fuck, this year is off to a fantastic start and I’m knocking out debt left and right.
My son is back to his sarcastic, fun self and I’m grateful for the team of doctors that make sure that happens whenever we get adrift.
I am, for all intents and purposes, just marking time on a few things now. My son has three more years of high school, so we will stay where we are for that long. Much of my debt, car payment, etc, will be gone before he is out of school. Any ties to my ex are over in three years and after that, I plan to change my name and all my phone numbers. LOL
It’s almost as if when my son’s graduates, both of our lives are suddenly free to change.
While I intellectually know that I could begin change at any time, I also know that I won’t stick with it unless it’s massive change, the kind that forces you to move forward.
So while I know all of this, I am still hearing whispers from depression. I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything all weekend. I slept a lot. I’m still tired and really in need of a shower, but that just sounds exhausting. I’m mad at myself for wasting time, but don’t have the energy or direction to get in gear and frankly nothing sounds that “worth it.”
A little later I’m going to pull out my goals list and see what I can work on, but if that doesn’t help, then it might be time for a medication evaluation. Sigh