How to start over

It’s been almost 6 years since my divorce. I tried online dating a couple of times with very little luck and only one date with, what became a stalker.

I’ve poured my heart out in therapy. I’ve been able to move past the hurt, anger and grief of the divorce. I want to find love again, but I don’t know how.

It became evident to me last night how desperate I’ve become when I reconnected with a few people from my past on facebook. I don’t use facebook ever, except to reach out to people. I never post and I don’t read others posts. So unless we have been in touch, I have no idea what’s going on in your life.

When one of the people I connected to accepted my friends request, I went down this pathetic little road of “what if he is still single?” We really connected on an intellectual level and he was a good influence on my health because we would go to the gym during lunch, but I was married, so of course, nothing more than a friendship ever existed. But now, almost six year after my divorce and 12 years after I last saw him, the what if’s carried me down a happy little path. Until I realized he is married.

I have to say I was so embarrassed that I allowed myself to get carried away like that, I actually cried…which is out of character for me.

My brain then took me down another fun path about of how pathetic I am and everyone around me is married or in serious relationships and how I’m overweight and look older than I am. It was so depressing I went to bed.

Today I’m feeling a little better. My medicine is great about stopping the intrusive thoughts if I keep busy. So I’m off to run errands.

Thanks for letting me vent. If you have a little love pixie dust you can spare, I’d be forever grateful.