As I’m getting ready for work this morning, it hits me! (thank goodness it didn’t hurt)
I know why I’m trying to self destruct.
In the past, I’ve been told it’s a fear of success. Not so much, I’ve been successfull and loved it.
Then I was told it’s a fear of failure. I doubt it, failure and I are great friends!
I think it’s because in the aftermath of success, peoples expectations of you are changed. You raised the bar. Unfortunatly, I have a hard time keeping up with the new expectations, begin to flounder and ultimately crash and burn.
I realized this when I re-read my “about” page.
It’s the story of my life.
My achievements are found in moments of 110% effort and I can’t maintain that. So I’ve always found it easier to hand off my ideas, just before the finish line, to someone that can already maintain that higher level.
So when I have no one to hand the baton too, I freak!!!
While I’m happy to have had this realization…now I don’t know what to do with it and I have to wait till Friday to see my counselor! UGH