By George, I think I’ve got it!

As I’m getting ready for work this morning, it hits me! (thank goodness it didn’t hurt)

I know why I’m trying to self destruct.

In the past, I’ve been told it’s a fear of success. Not so much, I’ve been successfull and loved it.

Then I was told it’s a fear of failure. I doubt it, failure and I are great friends!

I think it’s because in the aftermath of success, peoples expectations of you are changed. You raised the bar. Unfortunatly, I have a hard time keeping up with the new expectations, begin to flounder and ultimately crash and burn.

I realized this when I re-read my “about” page.

It’s the story of my life.

My achievements are found in moments of 110% effort and I can’t maintain that. So I’ve always found it easier to hand off my ideas, just before the finish line, to someone that can already maintain that higher level.

So when I have no one to hand the baton too, I freak!!!

While I’m happy to have had this realization…now I don’t know what to do with it and I have to wait till Friday to see my counselor! UGH

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