I have always tried to do the right thing by my son. I have often fought uphill battles to ensure his well being and protect his mental health.
There is one thing, though, that I still falter with and that’s forcing him to go to school when it seems like he is struggling.
All of his doctors agree that keeping him home for anything less than fever or throwing up is actually doing him a disservice.
Sometimes, I disagree. While I understand that if I let him stay home once, he is going to ask me 10 more times hoping to break me down again, but when he seems fine I have no issues sending him to school. I know I can trust them to take care of him.
When he doesn’t seem fine though, I really struggle with it, and today was that day. When I saw him this morning, he was lethargic and out of it. I was supposed to make him go anyway, but I couldn’t do it.
I remember the very first week I took the same medicine he is taking and I could barely keep my eyes open at work. I don’t see how sending him to school like that is necessary or helpful, so I kept him home.
He slept a lot and is doing better. I even expect I’ll send him to school tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I am wracked with guilt that I’m doing him a disservice. What if I’m setting him up to lose future jobs by staying home when he should go. I know the world can be unforgiving and competitive.
I would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. This is just my one really big weakness with him, because of the empathy I feel. I’ve been there so many times and while staying home for long periods of time are counter productive for him socially, one day can be so healing.
So I sit with my guilt.