Asking for help

It took me all day to muster the courage, but I asked one of my BDF’s to go with me to the store while I grabbed a few things.  It turned out well!!!  I know I shouldn’t get so worked up, but it’s been a catastrophe in the past.

I’m often scolded by friends and family because I don’t ask for help when I clearly could use it. Some think its because I think I’m better than others (so not true!), and some believe I don’t deem myself worthy.  It really isn’t either of those cases for me.  It’s about being able to reciprocate.  I love to help others.  I volunteer and donate often.  The key is that I need to do things for others when I have the mental and physical energy.

I’ve found in the past, that when I’ve accepted help from others, that I suddenly feel like I should be available to them 24×7 as “they would be for me!”

Being Brain Different requires a lot of discipline and planning on my part.  I have to plan my days & nights, I have to get a certain amount of sleep everyday, I have to have down times and a day off on the weekends where I don’t have plans. These are things that I have to do to continue to function.  I also choose activities and plans that are flexible and allow me to completely wipe my plate clean without repercussions, for those times when I’m not able to function.

Unfortunately, I’ve found myself in a bad place when someone needs me the most and I feel obligated to help them because they’ve helped me.  So out of obligation I do help them and end up in a tailspin.  It’s no one’s fault, but it is my reality.  So yes, I do find it hard to ask for and accept help.

I’m trying to set boundaries up front and be honest about what I am able to do BEFORE I accept help from others.  I feel a little strange doing it still, but hopefully it will prevent those difficulties I’ve experienced in the past.

It was nice to get a helping hand last night.

-T

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